im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize