His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
