JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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