Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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