I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
