I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
