i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I cut my penus on the lid.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
