i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
