I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
