I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
