hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
