I puked a lego.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
