we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
