My sheets look like a crime scene.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
