I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
