so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
