I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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