he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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