yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
