Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i believe in u and ur pee
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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