a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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