I can't watch pbs sober anymore
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
