you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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