I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
