You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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