I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
