I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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