She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize