i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is the high leading the old right now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
