i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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