i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
