Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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