"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
