YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
