Umm I'm too high to move.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
