Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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