My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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