Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
high people should be assigned attendants
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
