I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
