dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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