just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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