Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
