My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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