I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I color on your dick again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
