I want to make a zoo with you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
