Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
