ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
