I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
