Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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