y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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