"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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