Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
