Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
