Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
