Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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