so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
