they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
