Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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