After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
