I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
