wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
