If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.