I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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