she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.