Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.