I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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