i need an iv and a liver transplant
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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