You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just google imaged poop.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
