You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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