And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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