I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
