I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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