what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
