I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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