Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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