SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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