i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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