i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
