Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
