I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
