I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
