The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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